March21

A FASHION SHOW AND ONE SCARY ASS PUPPET SHOW...

HAPPY BELATED ST. PATTY'S DAY!! I had an eventful day last Sunday. I
went with my sister Gaby to a Fashion show event called THREAD. It's a
place where new clothing and jewelry artists come to show their stuff
before putting their stuff in stores. This year's show was held at the
Aerospace Museum in San Diego and when we went last year we made a day
of going to the Hotel Del Cornado afterwards for kicks (and to maybe see
some ghosties!). Anyhoo we get to the show and right away my sister Gaby
spots a sign next to the fashion show that says "puppet shows" and she's all
excited (keep in mind she's 37) and I tell her after we do the fashion show
let's check it out. Thread was cool and there was ALOT of great stuff
there. I ended up buying some stuff and afterwards we went and looked at
their traveling Art Gallery show. (they always have an art gallery at the
shows and dj's spinning some pretty cool music) we head over to the puppet
show which was in this old theatre on the same grounds as the Aerospace
Museum and we see there is a 1pm show. We walk up to the booth and as
I'm looking at the girl behind the glass, I'm feeling that she's not telling us
the whole story when we ask "what's the show like?" she looks at us and
kind of sheepishly says "well there's shadow puppets, and marionettes
(important you hear the PLURAL of that because it's important later) , and
a dancing leprechaun (the show was called Irish Lullabies) she kinda coughs
and says..."it's uhhh...good...you know if you like puppets" so me and Gaby
plunk down our FIVE DOLLARS each and go inside. Gaby had to use the
restroom so we we're let in ahead of others and ended up just grabbing a
seat when she was done. While we're waiting I'm looking at the stage and
gettin' nervous. On stage there is a make-shift puppet house with four-leaf
clover wrapping paper either taped or stapled to it on the right, an empty
small wicker baby carriage (that we thought was kinda creepy all by itself
on stage...important to remember the carriage too) in the center a piece of
green satin curtain kinda hoisted to the back wall and off to the other side
of this elementary school looking stage was a big board on a table (with
which we deduced was to do the shadow puppet portion of the show) in front
of the stage and level to the seats was a flat board that was transparent
with a map of the world on it. We knew this show was only meant for like 5
and under and their parents, but Gaby was crazy excited and I admit I
thought this was gonna be like pinnoccio with PUPPETS GALORE all dancing
and having fun. The woman selling tixs starts letting people in and I ask her
how long the show is and she answers a half hour and walks away. I turn to
Gaby and JOKINGLY say "man what if this is like a one-man show or
something" but we laugh it off cuz OBVIOUSLY this is gonna be a puppet
bonanza and there has to be at least 2-3 people working ALL the puppets.
The show starts and this man dressed in techie blacks (meaning a black
turtleneck and black dockers) with a shamrock vest, comes to the front of
the stage and tell the audience his name is BIG JOE, now this is a little
unsettling seeing as the audience is made-up of 3-6 year olds and at this
point in their life ANYONE would be "big" so why not just say your name's
Joe?. Well he goes on FOR 10 MINUTES !! Condescending to the audience
about this show and how it's about Ireland. In a very badly done Irish
accent we were asked "Did you know what saint Patrick drove out of
Ireland?...Puppies! He drooooovvee all the little puppies out of...what's that
you say?(although no one but an electronic voice box he'd pushed made a no
sound) "it's not puppies?...Oh I remember he drove all the little KITTIES
out of Ireland" (again deafening silence and a voice recorder box saying
no...you have to understand we as an audience were LOST as to what he
was talking about. A 3yr old doesn't have the foggiest FREAKIN clue that
st. Patrick drove the SNAKES out of Ireland, they were silent because to
them puppies sounded like a logical choice!)   He finally gets around to saying
snakes to which the kids start to catch on, but by now it's too late and
he's moved on FOR NO REASON after that story to a song "when Irish
eyes are smiling" all this time Gaby and I are becoming uneasy...where were
the puppets we were promised? Here he is SUCKING valuable puppet time
with this one-man hamlet crap!. He walks over to the table with the
transparent map and tell us to buckle up cuz we're going on a plane ride to
Ireland. We endure stupid stick shadow puppets that have NOTHING to do
with Ireland, watch as he runs behind the curtains on stage to animate two
puppets (one who's Irish and one from Boston BOTH with no accents...even
though he's doing one) we endure the whole premise of the show that has
him actually making crying baby sounds, screeching crying baby sounds and
saying he needs to find a way to make the baby stop crying (I suggested
actually doing a GOOD SHOW...but I don't think he heard me) but the
crazy grand finale of this train wreck, the final F-U to the audience, he
runs backstage and I am totally thinking "okay he's gonna bring out a
marionette of a leprechaun and that will be cool"...After all he did run
backstage once before and came out with a "Irish marionette" which was
just a boy puppet that looked creepily like bill gates in a cop jacket dancing
to an Irish jig...don't ask. I figured either way we were promised a dancing
leprechaun and I wasn't leaving till I saw one. A word to the wise..."be
careful what you wish for" he starts the music from backstage and suddenly
comes out dressed in a almost full bodied leprechaun outfit complete with a
little cane. The costume was weird, the head of the leprechaun was where
big Joe's stomach is and the leprechaun's hat was where big Joe's head was
(so he could see out of a slit in the hat) it's supposed to create the illusion
that he's shorter than he really is, But I swear it looked like he took a
hunchback of notre dame costume and put a shamrock hat on it ...I mean
the leprechaun had a hump! We watched in horror as he tried to box step
his way into our hearts. The kids were confused as were some of the
parents as well and every now and again he'd give a little wave like "don't
forget there's a real person in here" after he finished the jig to VERY
scattered applause. He comes back out to check on the "crying baby" and as
he's talking and without any warning he turns and lets this huge loogie cough
out as he's clearly out of breath from the leprechaun jig. He finishes the
show by holding the baby he's been making crying sounds for the ENTIRE
TIME (I'm not kidding folks,,,when he wasn't pretending to be a "different
character" he was making crying baby sounds!) he holds the baby and says
"okay she's asleep so the show's over...you can leave but don't wake the
baby and be sure to come back in april to see me do an all new show" and
then he starts singing "an Irish lullaby" All the kids and parents in the
audience look confused and we all look at each other, I mean he said it was
over, but he's still sitting there holding a baby doll puppet and singing? What
do we do? Well that decision was made for us when all of a sudden the
overhead lights snapped on and the door to the theatre was opened and let
me tell you, once we were green lighted to go those people couldn't get out
fast enough. As we were walking to our car my sister Gaby says to me "You
know, that's a pretty smart way to end the show...so he doesn't have to
talk to anyone" and I told her "He ended the show that way so he wouldn't
get his ass kicked by the theatregoers who had to sit thru that crap!" I
know given the chance some of those parents would've met him out back for
a little "rough justice"

     peace and shamrocks --
                        Carla